我努力了很久
也已经能习惯了这样的生活
有孤单有快乐
而有些人不需要联络
走了, 我再也不理时间了
让那些梦慢慢生疏 ...

听雨后的风
跟回忆的低音说着什么
看往事的尽头
让我就算一个人也很轻松
我已经离开了...

走了, 那再也不管时间的我
在另一个时区降落
再也不怕会落空 ... ...

**yawnzZZ**... another day has passed.. feeling bluey + blackie.. depression acting up again?? mMmm... today iss pretty wendy de bdae celebration.. mMmmm... went to a pub named White Bar? ii think dats the name la.. lolx.. can't reli rem.. coz i have some serious syncronization error within myself recently.. or simply... i can't rem wad i have said & of coz... memory loss ... hee it's 5am... & it is a Sunday now... days have passed.. life goes on... so tired le... tired... just damn tired de lo... tired of ____ .... sometimes... it jux feels... so contridicting.... new yr cuming le... new yr ... new life.. new dreamz... new resolutions... everiting is gonna be new... it has to be new... PS: Happy bdae "Rene" hee... stay pretty ya... **huGx**

I am alone in a world of millions ...
I can't speak in a world of freedom ...
People are so cruel that time is crucial ...
All I want is Peace,
the scars that need healing to leave ...

Sometimes I get a funny feeling,
it comes from deep inside.
I get all mad and angry,
wanting to go and hide.

Some calls it depression,
Some says it's just me.
But the thoughts and feelings,
no one will ever be able to see.

It's like I'm a different person,
and the old me just disappeared.
I get really edgy,
followed by feeling sad.

I wish I could get help,
I wish it would go away.

well.. im on mc fer 2 days ya.. really damn sick lo... fever from last wednesday niite till now.. the fever is on off on off de lo.. ai si liao... eat the medicine till im feeling drowsy the whole dae... & wads worse is the virus has not disappear!!!! Im still having the fever & pain de lo...

arghhHhh... chinese doc & western doc aso see le.. see western doc.. say i got very bad throat infection & yes, ii was advice to tok less .. wahahah ... see chinese doc ... say i got very serious case of heatiness in moii body... so who can help moii.. zZzzzz... kill moii pls... tml stil gotto go backie workie... zzzzz... life is such a torture ya...

gotto hope & pray that virus be wiped out by tonight.. wahahhaHhahah.. fever fever go away.. come again another day... pain pain go away.. come again another day.. sick sick go away.. come again another day.. lolx...

some says that I have burned moii brain ... lolx ..

**yaWnzZz** ... its 5.30 am in the morniing... lolx.. jux rch hme, had a bath & here I am updating moii bloggiie.. lolx... i mux be mad?? mMmm... well.. siick till mad le ba... been siick for the past 2 weeks with the vomiit worm in moii throat... to make things worse... im down with fever for the past 2 days... and this is not the end.. moii voice is so hoarse now that i thiink i better dun tok... .. lolx.. yess... 我失声了 .. oMg...

well... it will be rest days fer da nex week.. zZzzzzZzz.... sick worm...

**gonezzZzz**

不想听, 不想说
过了明天以后

不想醒, 不想永远被过去牵扯

不想痛, 不想拖
我们曾经犯下的错

不想要这过程
不想要 ... ...

这现实太残忍 . . .

Saw an email... has some thoughts...

"Don't forget your Sisters"

They'll be more important as you get older.
No matter how much you love your husband,
no matter how much you love the children you may have,
you are still going to need Sisters.

Most women has this concept:
"Haven't I just gotten married?
Haven't I just joined the couple-world?
I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grown-up! Surely my
husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!"

But as time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman,
Sisters are the mainstays of our life.

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.
BUT.........
Sisters are there,
no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.
A girl friend is never farther away than needing her can reach.

another weekend has just passed foR mOii... life seems to be gng back... to those days... lolx... drink, play, fun, gathering ya??? lolx... things of coz will be kind of diff... all those ard me are either married, gng to be married, married with kids, happily attached... dey have deserted moi...lolx.. but itz okie... im married too... lolx.. back to basics... im married to singlehood.. y3ah!!!

some tots in mind abt life... it seems dat we gotta be more optimistic... we got to face death n parting every now & den.. dere's no everlasting stuff, be it life, relationship, kinship etc... dere's no escaping... unless your enlightened of coz...

we human... like to hold on to things... esp $$, relationships, hatred, looks, pride, life etc... dere's too much to list ya.. we knew dat we will not be able to bring it to death... but we still hold on to it.. eva wondered y??? eva tried to let it go??? its hard (esp $ ya?? lolx) ... but let's all try... since we are all in an illusion world.. the samsara world... where nothing is real...

领悟, 不领悟, 一念之间...
倦了, 没了, 没意义...
沉默, 冲突, 没有对错胜负...

别太固执,
别坚持,
随便让它过去...

生命总不能重来,
岁月能让人放开,
一路走来也许太多人生的无奈...

时间不能停摆,
抛空一切能释怀...

等到两发都变白, 回头看,
这一切其实都没什么...

It is like a mind-controlling disease...
It makes you feel worthless and unknown...
It has no mercy, whispering in your ear that life has no meaning...
It tells you no one cares and why go on...
It makes you feel like you have no purpose...

You want to run and hide but you know it is close behind
following you no matter how hard you try to escape...
It tells you lies and says nasty things to you...
It makes you feel empty inside...
It takes a part of you away so you feel incomplete...

This so called disease is called depression ... ...

It has been quite sum time since i last blog... ard 3 weeks ba... problems has arises in moi personal life.. well.. but I think I am coping it quite well now...

to add things in, a fren whom we used to hang out together has passed away in an accident today... it was a shocking news that I received an hour ago ... just saw him few weeks back... for those who know him and has not got the news, AH BU has passed away in an accident. He will be cremated tomorrow at 12pm...

Life is dat ever-changing, have you ever think that:
- someone whom you have been with for 2 yrs may turn out to a stranger to you afterall...
- someone whom you are talking to now may not be in this world the next minute...

Nothing lasts in this samsara world...

There are billions of people in the world, yet I feel like I'm alone
And all I try to do is right, but everyone seems to treat me wrong
So I lash out in rage, but what I say is never heard
Because I've learned to turn my cheek and swallow all these hateful words

But I'm getting tired now and I can only take so much
Because with everything that happens my soul is slowly being touched
So I make others laugh just to escape all my pain
But every time I'm down no one's there to do the same

So I sit back and relax, while I nurse all my wounds
As I lay terribly depressed in a dark solemn room
Somehow this little balled up aggression
Is slowly changing into an even bigger depression
Something I can't take and can't shake
And eats away with every second

I've now acquired too many emotions to ever explain
It feels like there's demons as well as angels fighting for control of my pain
And for some strange reason my heart is being pulled in opposite directions
One has the side of good and the other knows no affection

I can't explain the way I feel, I just know I feel this way
From the second that I wake, till the time I end my day
Although I enjoy life and try my best to learn it's lessons
I just wish someone could teach me to escape this great depression

We watch as our lives pass us by
the never ending pain of loss
hidden faces among what we call us
our souls filled with hatred and sadness

nothing ever goes our way
we walk alone through this cold life
no turning back
all we can ask for is hope

our hearts are dark torture
lifeless feelings living deep inside of us
what we look for is no where to be found
time wasted that is all there is

nothing can save us
we walk through a dark valley
no future for me no future for anyone
no prediction no guessing no hope

we don't see anything
we don't feel
our blood turns into ice
pain so flawless makes the shadows come alive

no point in crying out
there is no one to help us
we walk alone, by ourselves
we wish the end
finding a way out but it's not there

all we can do is wait
wait for it to come
take a risk, take a chance
we walk alone ... ...

想着， 回忆着。。。
过去时的一切。。。

从15 岁开始，
我的人生开始走向了另一个方向。。。

看过的一切，
感受过的一切，
它似乎告诉了我
人是丑陋的。。。
感情是虚假的。。。

无论你多用心的去相信，
都不会有一个用真诚的心去对待你的人。。。
他们似乎都怀着某些用意。。。

我不再相信人因为人也不相信我。。。

忘记了,
想起了,
过去了..

值得我这么的执着吗?
问问自己的心, 那又为什么却总是放不下？
人生为什么总是这么的无奈?

勇敢的代价是自己先放下，
放下自己的过去,
放下不愉快的一切,
承认失败，接受无奈,
蜷缩在角落...

想念昔日的男朋友 ???
通常，一个人不知道会在什么时候想念另一个人？
一个人也不知道会在什么时候被另一个人想念？

不知道从什么时候开始，
自己喜欢怀念过去的往事。。。
好想好想回到过去。。。
但人生就是这么的无奈。。。

+.+ If you look inside a girl's heart +.+
+.+ You'd see how much she really cries +.+
+.+ You'll find hidden secrets, best friends, and lies +.+
+.+ But what you'll see the most +.+
+.+ Is how hard it is to stay strong +.+
+.+ When nothing's right, and everything is wrong +.+

谦虚和那虚伪

就只差一个字

有时有点分不清

真实的感觉

梦境般遥远


::梦希望没有尽头::

i love you

i hate you

i envy you

i despise you

i need you

i want you

i poisoned you

i corrupted you

i created you

i destroyed you

i cherished you

i hurt you

i healed you

i persuaded you

i let you

i am you

恨一个人可以多久？

恨一个人应该恨多久？
真的必须要恨吗？
也许是太爱惜自己了吗?

恨的确可以很久....
恨是很累人的...

不知何时起，
恨出现了...

人生会有疲惫想放弃,

看不清路的尽头的时候 ...

就算曾悲伤过, 失去过相信的力量,
再艰难的旅途, 也要骄傲的走过 ... ...

我要的世界, 梦想在怀中 ... ...

Grief

• The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.
• Grief is the agony of an instant; the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.
• Excess of grief for the dead is madness; for it is an injury to the living, and the dead know it not.
• Grief is the agony of an instant; the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life.

Death

The fear of death follows from the fear of life ... We do not die of love or sickness or even of old age; we dies of being a man. While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die ... well ... death may be the greatest of all human blessings ya...

LIFE

• Life is like an onion: You peel it off one layer at a time, and sometimes you weep.
• Life is just one damned thing after another.
• People do not live nowadays - they get about ten percent out of life.
• Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death
• I've looked at life from both sides - win and lose. But still somehow, it's life's illusions I recall, I really don't know life at all.

The Past:
Our cradle, not our prison; there is danger as well as appeal in its glamour. The past is for inspiration, not imitation, for continuation, not repetition ... ...

If we practice an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, soon the whole world will be blind and toothless ... ...

For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin — real life. . . . . .

But there was always some obstacle in the way. Something to be got through first.
Some unfinished business ... time still to be served ... a debt to be paid ... then life would begin...

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.

well... Im back on a long one week leave from work.. today went back to wrk le...

For the past week, been kindda busy though... lol... busy resting .. playing mahjong ... watching movie... salon trip... accupunture visit... passport making (yeah.. finally I got moi passport) ... haha..

everyone has gotten the gov $...mMmm.. how did ya spend it??? well, ah dear and moi both went to buy a new hp.. lolx... moi V3 was not even 1 yr old when I sold it.. haha.. too bad it's lcd screen spoil le.. better sold it before no shop wanna accept it ya.. hAizzZz... bOught a walkman fone.. not too bad though.. use it for the time being 1st ba.. times are bad now.. hehe...

**yawnzZz** ... working days tire me out easily.. zZzzZzz... its sleeping time soon.. tata.. ciaOzZzz....

我受夠了等待你所謂的安排,
說的未來到底多久才來??

我想依賴而你卻都不在 ... ...
應該開心的地帶,
你給的全是空白,
一個人假日發呆,
找不到人陪我看海 ... ...

我在幸福的門外,
卻一直都進不來,
你累積給的傷害,
我是真的很難釋懷 ... ...

終於看開愛回不來 ... ...

我的眼淚卻一直掉下來 ... ...
過去怎麼交代你該給的信賴 ... ...
被你親手緩緩推入懸崖,

過去甜蜜在倒帶,
只是感覺已經不在,
而我對你的期待,
被你一次次摔壞,
已經碎成太多塊,
要怎麼拼湊跟重來 ... ...

終於看開愛回不來 ... ...

well.. been a long time since I last posted... been kindda tired ... YawnzZzz... to summarize... i was wrking... wrking.. & wrking.. resting.. resting... & resting... that was moi routine on weekdays.. lol.. weekend will be mahjong or la kopi session wor.. usually kopi hangout will be Mr Bean.. well .. did went to Equinox too.. a place with a bird's eye view.. kindda nice atmosphere tooo... mMmmmmm....

nOw is resting time again ... yAwnZzzZz... ZzzZZzzzZzzzzzzZzz

咖啡已經溫熱不再,
靜靜在一旁發呆,
連風也停留窗外,
等待電話也已經喧鬧不在... ...

靜靜在一旁無奈,
時鐘也不知怎麼停了下來... ...
期待的一切,
已不在...

就这样,
累了,
放弃了...

我寻找的平静, 是我将来看电影,
能带著一颗平常心, 不必为谁心碎而闭上眼睛... ...

我寻找的平静, 是敢回头看曾经 ... ...
那些为爱患得患失的情景, 我选择忘记 ... ...

忘记所有的回忆 ... ...

每一次都在徘徊孤单中坚强,
每一次就算很受伤也不想闪泪光 . . .

在我生活中不再伤痛 ,
想要说, 但却沉默 ,
伸出手,无法触碰 ,
天空突然一片辽阔 ,

害怕寂寞去爱, 没意义 ...
因为无聊才爱, 更无趣 ...

在另外一个没有我的世界自由的走 . . .
留一个愿望让自己想象 . . .

todAy wAs aT tOwn wiTh sis.. well.. wEnt tO mR beAn fOr luNch... & mOved on tO toWn aFter tHat.. iT was a gOd dAmn wArm dAy thEse few dAys.. tHink i'm melting in tHe dAy time.. lolx..

bUt nevertheless, wE still weNt tO fAr eAst fOr oUr sHopping sEssion.. keke.. well.. shOpped fOr ard an hOur plus to tWo & it cAn't sEem tO sAtisfy mOi sis sHoppiNg needs dere .. lolx.. sO wE wEnt tO tAmpines fOr anoTher sHort shoPping tRip.. after tHat.. send ah sis hOme & wEnt up with hEr to find mum & dad fOr a while...

it hAs been a lOng dAy & im oRedi vEry tired le.. sO home sWeet hOme after ard hAlf an hOur dere.. lolx... ***yaWnzZz***

well well well.. wAs aT Mr BeAn oN fRi and sAt... wEnt deRe la kOpi wIf frEnzZz... kindda relaZing tIus ya.. keke..

oN a sUnday.. iT wAs mAhjOng sEssion agAin ... lolx.. a gOod pAst tIme... we plAyed frOm eArly nOon to nIte.. hAha.. kInddA tired sIa.. bUt nevertheless.. iT wAs enjOyable.. =x

yEsterdAy wAs MondAy bLuesss... bUt aH dEar cOoked dinner fOr mOi.. wOooOOoo.. tHe foOd tAstes nOt bAd la.. oPppzZz... lOlx..

well... iTs cOuntdOwn to weekEnd agAin.. YaWnzZz.. zZZzzzZzz

anOther sAt hAs passed .. nO mood tO gO oUt aS my ulcer is gIving me tOo muCh pain... aRgHhhHh .. sO i lAze aRound aT home... watChing tHe tV progrAmmes all tHe wAy till 1 pLus.. lOlx.. kindda comicAl midniTe sHow oN chAn 8 jUz nOw...

gRrrRrrr... oppz.. my stomAche wAs growliNg bY midnite.. lolx... was feEling kindda hUngry le... & savioUr cOmes aLong... hehe.. Ms sOphia jIo supper, sO we wEnt fOr supper @ Jalan kAyu pRata ... lolx.. it wAs arOund 2am le.. toT that there will nOt be mUch pple derE yEt bUt it seems tHat we werE wROng ya..

AnYway, after oUr supper, wEnt to yishUn dAm rOt aRound fOr a while le dEn hOme we gO... nOw its bed tImey... jUz hOpe tHat the ulcer pAin will be lessEr wHen i wokE up wOr..


\\_\\_ z Z z z z Z z z _//_//

yeAhhHh... its another friday.. lolx..

after workie... went to bugis junction acc nicole see some stuff.. after that we went to west mall together with vivien.. mMmmmmm... actually wanna drink coffee bean after our dinner de.. but it seems that the pple sitting dere seem to be glued to their seats... lolx.. gave up waiting & went to jollibean instead.. well.. at least deres aso a "bean" keke...

after a round of toking kok session, home sweet home ya.. kindda boring.. but dats life ?? .. lolx...

***yAwnzZz***... happy belated valentine day to all.. keke...

as for me.. went to work as usual ydae.. after work went to buy present for ah dear le den meet him for dinner... ah dear bought a ring ring for moi.. lolx.. so coincidentally, i aso bought a ring ring for him.. keke..

after dinner, ah dear suggested watching movie coz he tot i might be feeling bored ... but im feeling kindda tired & wanna watch the 10pm show on Chan U, so we aborted the idea & went home instead.. hehe...

this ends our valentine day in '06..lolx..

now is zZzzzZzzzing timey le... another 2 more days to go before weekend.. lolx...

well.. sat was mahjong session again.. mmMmm.. with ah dear, moi sis & ah sop @ her house.. keke.. after mahjong, was kindda tired le.. so home sweet home for a rest...

one rest & oOooO.. it was morning .. lolx.. anyway.. was thinking how to pass the time on a sunday when ah dear suggested buying some food home to cook.. MMmmmMm.. not a bad idea though.. lolx..

went to Northpoint Cold Storage for groceries shopping.. keke.. after which we took a cab home.. damn hot weather sia.. well.. started out chef work once we reached home.. keke ... the food that we cooked was rather nicey (at least both of us think so)... lolx.. anyway.. wads for dessert?? mMmmmm.. its wobbly jelly.. keke.. home-made jelly.. kindda nice too.. haha..

**yawnZzzz*** & now its bed time le... got to prepare for another week of work .. mMmm... zZzzzZzzzzzzzzzzz

**yawnzZz.. ** just backie from bugis... after work met up wif frenz @ bugis .. went for dinner @ the duno wad name western rest? lolx.. ... & had a short window shopping trip.... went to the new bugis poiint "ICON" for a walk since winnie suggested it.. mMmmm... kindda nice stuff we can find dere ya... saw ah wen dere too... still as pretty as eva.. keke.. chat a while & went our separate ways le.. coz she going gai gai wif her boifren ma...

as for us...we chose a good spot ... sat down at the dunno wad name strudel shop & had a drink before heading home... mMmmm... its friday tml.. wOooOoo.... rest time.. its time for a break.. have a break... have a kit kat.. ... keke..

zZzzZZZzzzzzZzzZZZZzzzzZzzzZZzzZZzzzZZzzzzzzz

Wed... it's ladies nite... lolx.. as usual.. at home coz tml still gotta wrk... one more bad news is.. COE prices has risen again !!! mMmmm... think Jan 06 has the lowest COE ever le .. lolx..

Was surfing net & watching tv a min ago ... when there was a loud noise coming from downstairs... oOooOooo... went outside kpo abit.. oOoooOoo ... ChingAy is @ yishun.. lolx.. 1st time i eva saw it at our kampung.. keke

zZzzZz... backie to tv le... 2 more days to weekend... countdown again.. lolx...

another boringGgg new year has passed.. rotting at home all the way.. zZzzZzz... rot @ home & eat eat eat... lolx.. end up sickie... dats moi new year for 2006.. one word to describe... BORING!!!! .... wahahaahaa....

holidays are over... backie to work le.. mMmmm... but im still sick... my stupid head.. its bursting in pain .. zZzz ... hate migrane... gonna find a way to curb it..

我不想长大 ...
长大后世界就不一样 ...
我宁愿永远都又笨又傻 ...

我宁愿永远都天真愚蠢 ...

我当然知道这世界不会完美无瑕 ...

我站在这城市的边缘 ...

　不断不断断的眷恋 ...

落但很凄美 ...

好像碎了一塊 ...

再補不回來 ...
再不存在 ...
这世界比空白更空白 ...

been so tired these few days... from wed till today, dad is still in hosp wor.. last week after work rush down to hosp to visit him... poor dad in hosp after operation.. he is in sooOoo much pain.. haizZz... the food at the hosp also kindda sux.. so buy better food for him to eat ba..

on sat... went to hosp visit dad le & bought food for him le den go office for a few hrs.. mMm.. after that went home rest for 2 hours den went to buy dinner & go hosp again... since hosp is at alexandra, & alexandra is kindda near to chinatown, me & ah dear decided to go dere for a walk .. well.. my advice to ya.. "DO NOT GO TO CHINATOWN" ... lolx.. it was damn pack..we have to park at tanjong pagar & walk to chinatown ....BUT... if you really like to squeeze here & there to enjoy the new yr mood.. you may love it dere ya... else... you will get god damn frustrated like me.. lolx..

well, sunday... ah dear & moi went to thomson for lunch, after that went home to rest again.. few hours of rest & i got to wakie go hosp le.. **yawnzZzz***

Monday blues of coz.. so tired wor...

Chinese New Year is coming.. Wish all of you the best in ya future endeavours...

***yawnzZz*** ... ... ydae went to town shop shop wor.. with ah dear.. mMmmmMmm.. both of us bought a pair of shoes nia.. lolx.. walked from far east to wisma & taka.. nothing much to buy though.. mMmmm.. ard evening... went home to have dinner le den go see ah dear & moi mum pak mahjong at his fren hse.. zZzzZzz

another day has passed.. later maybe mahjong tius ba.. mMmmm.. ^_^!

well... it has been 5 days since a new year has started.. went to countdown moi beginning of a new year at a KTV... kindda fun dat dae.. we sang till 3 plus before going home.. lolx..

but this does not seem a good year though.. haiZzZz... what is in stay for 2006??? ... what will be lying ahead again??? ... **pondering mind**

?????????????????? -- thats life... full of question marks...^_^!